previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, I'm your dungeon master Russ More, he, him, also with me today is Amy More.
It is she, her, and it's my birthday on the day of this record. I don't know when you're listening to it, but retroactively think, hey, it was Amy's birthday on that day.
Three months ago as it was released.
Perfect.
Yeah.
And Carla Max did.
She, her playing lip-synchy pip diggins. I mean, why not just three months in the future think like happy year and a quarter birthday to Amy?
Because she's great. And she could use your positive vibes today. Probably.
Yeah. Also, I'm, I'm in, I'm embodying Sia and Nyantor.
Characters.
I didn't.
It's all right. Tom Laird.
Yep. Here. It's Amy's birthday. Happy birthday, Amy. And I'm playing Flint Firebeard.
And joining us again today, it's Kyle Clasett.
Hey everyone, he, him, happy birthday, Amy. And I am going to be playing Vorunax.
Excited to be back, of course, as always.
And today we're doing, you know, something very different. It's called a planning episode. We'll get to that in a minute.
But where we especially don't do planning is over on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast, where that's a lie too.
We plan things and release them on a schedule so you know when they're coming.
But it sounds more fun when we're just off the cuff and something appeared today. It's great. It's fun. It's mysterious.
But when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you, like today's patron, Cesserus.
Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast for all of the planning that we do over there.
And now, fuck it, let's play.
Or plan.
Or plan, yeah.
How do we plan? First question.
Oh, great question.
We have not done this before.
On our strong suit.
Not successfully.
I mean, I remember thinking of plans and then not implementing them at all.
So I was planning to plan.
I think it counts.
Yeah, totally counts.
I love canceling plans. Is that something?
Me too.
Let's not go to the abyss.
What happens when you get five millennials in a Google meet?
Nothing they've likely canceled already.
All right, let's set the scene a couple different ways.
One as characters.
The Night Hunter, Lipsinki, Flint, Vorunax, Grancis and Donnie
are all characters that are in this potential scene that we're seeing kind of two different layers of for ourselves.
There's the characters in World in an inn in Greenest around a table with a big map sprawled out.
Vorunax drawing big lines and X's and skulls.
Dash marks.
Yeah, looks like a football playbook.
Yeah, exactly.
Here be monsters.
And that's just the whole thing.
There be monsters.
Everywhere be monsters.
Especially there.
And as we zoom in on these super obscure details that we don't know yet, we zoom back out to us, the players playing the characters.
Look at this meta play.
Now we're just five friends sitting talking about what's on that map.
Yeah.
Because Russ doesn't know what's on that map.
So we're going to world build this abyss together and then Russ is going to take all these great ideas that we come up with and make them more dangerous.
And use them to kill us.
Because there's going to be bunnies.
No, don't make anything.
It's just like Ghostbusters.
Don't picture something fun and cute.
It just will be bad.
That's true.
So we'll start off.
The goal is the bringing down of Orcus and the abyss.
The layer of the abyss.
Kyle, you might have this more quickly than I do.
I can't remember where Orcus lives.
In Orcusville.
Orcus Town, I believe it is.
Oh, man.
That's water deep.
Literally trying to look it all up right now.
Orcus, layer, abyss.
Like which layer of the abyss?
Thanatos.
Thanatos, the 113th layer of the abyss.
How many layers of the abyss are there?
114.
Oh, so he...
Wow, okay.
Why doesn't he live in the 114th?
Well, it gets more cool the farther down you go.
So he's the second coolest person?
He's the second coolest.
Or being who is the coolest?
Demogorgon, who is technically cooler than Orcus.
Oh, the Stranger Things guy.
All right.
Yeah.
In a sense, yeah.
It's exactly like that.
Exactly like that.
If that's what you want to picture, that's what you see.
So to give a description of what Thanatos is.
Thanatos, not to be confused with Thanos.
Yeah, it's very similar.
Thanos toast.
Delicious breakfast to start the day.
I typed Thanos into the D&D Beyond searcher.
They're like, wrong IP.
Get out of here, nerd.
Yeah, wizards.
Wizards officially now is like this guy.
So Thanatos, this lair was a land of ruin and death
with sterile heaths, black forests, and desolate mountains
filled with ruins and scattered tombs
inhabited by a variety of undead.
The Demon Lord Orcus, Prince of the Undead,
ruled Thanatos.
Jeez, just a prince?
That's why he's striving for more.
In our story, he makes leaps and bounds really quickly.
He's maintained a second lair in a fortress city of Naratir,
the City of the Undead.
Quiet, cold, and mostly empty city.
City of the Dead is what I meant to say.
But you figure it would be City of the Undead because.
Yeah.
And what's that called again?
Naratir, N-A-R-A-T-Y-R, Naratir, Naratir.
Of course, there was a mystery why in there.
That is surrounded by an icy moat fed by the river Styx.
The city used to be.
Yep.
Just like the band.
Not like the Greek fable or anything like that.
No, just the band.
It's all based off of the band.
The Greek story came later.
And here's a great descriptor.
The inner walls of the central castle of Bone
were made of flesh and decorated
with carpets made of hair.
What kind of hair?
So, Merkin City.
Like, back here?
We'll find out.
It's Merkin City.
It's just pubes.
Perfect.
He hires a lot of Merkin areas.
What can we say?
Yep.
Sounds like a sully job.
Let's take a moment here because who has the information
as far as the abyss in World is Vorunax and Lipsinki
from a future standpoint?
Things might be different in the past,
but more or less the same.
Yeah.
And Grancis has more of the other side sort of perspective.
Yeah.
The prison.
The not free to roam around side.
And I guess Lipsinki has both of those.
Yes.
True.
So what's your plan of attack?
Well, I say we just go in guns and blaze.
Right?
Go on down Main Street and challenge them to a fight.
Oh, hey.
Man, I went downtown killing the workers.
Plan A, guns ablazing.
OK.
Well, you've got to have some extreme plan, right?
You need somewhere to be like, Amy, that's ridiculous.
And then we can take three steps removed from that
and work out a real plan.
Exactly.
Although, birthday plan, we might just
have to go with it, guys.
Maybe.
It is my special day.
What was going to be a several episode arc
is now just going to be one and it's just a walk in.
We all die.
Pew, pew.
And they're gone.
Oh, I could die for a lot longer than 12 minutes.
Yeah, absolutely.
Also, there's a lot of characters in the scene,
so it would take quite a while for us all to die.
Yeah.
So how do we picture getting there?
Well, Varnocks would definitely
bring up the fact that dead beasts periodically
animate as undead mockeries of their former selves.
So pretty much just be careful everywhere.
And if we could mask ourselves as undead.
Ooh, could I turn myself into an undead something?
I don't think you can because of your distinct hatred
for undead.
Yeah.
Because druids like life.
That is true.
We do like life.
Yeah.
Not that I want to nix that idea, but I do.
There is the-
There's no bad ideas.
Yeah, absolutely.
So druid, wild shape into undead.
But also, walking dead, just cover yourself in goo.
In goo.
Or in goo.
Yeah.
Could gooify ourselves.
So there's two different places.
There's Thanatos, and then there's
the city of the dead, the second lair,
which it looks like there's a direct run down
the river Styx.
Any interest in going down the river Styx?
Ooh, we could do a white water rafting situation.
Ooh, fun.
Could be a good skills challenge.
Yeah.
I'd want some tour guides.
I think we need to bring back two japes and-
Japes and flanks.
Flanks?
That's right.
Are they dead?
I didn't think so.
No, I don't think so.
They're fine.
They're in the background of the scene right now.
Yeah.
Always present, but never there.
Yeah, perfect.
So first step, we got to commandeer Karen's boat.
And that's what we use.
So first thing, defeating the ferryman of the dead.
Right.
Defeat or persuade.
Or persuade.
Because I do think that he requires payments.
That's what, yeah, two coins on the eyes.
And is unjudgmental as to, like, all he does
is take people on the boat.
That's true.
And if we look like we're dead, even more of a reason.
Right?
Sharon's not going to be like,
I don't know about these dead guys.
No, they're just dead guys.
Let's go.
Now, I know you didn't say this, but I heard
you call it Karen's boat.
Yeah.
Because I imagine, I like to imagine that Karen
is very, very upset.
She's got a short bob.
She wants to speak with the manager.
OK.
I've heard it announced both ways.
I don't know.
I've never really stepped one way.
Yeah, no, I just pictured, of course, the meme.
I was like, Karen's boat.
Interesting.
OK.
She'd like to speak to our manager.
Who said you could be on this boat?
It's like, well, it's your boat.
You're the manager.
I don't care.
Ooh, ooh, I can change my appearance.
Yeah, without becoming the thing, right?
So.
Without becoming the thing.
Yeah.
My basic shape can stay the same.
Oh, yeah.
And I can just change my appearance however I wish.
So I can look as dead as I want to.
Awesome.
So, yeah.
OK, so so far we've got a plan
of looking like the dead or undead.
Defeating the ferrymen of the dead
or persuading them, one or the other.
Probably better to try and persuade
before you try and defeat them.
Yeah.
A before B.
Except after C.
Yeah.
For Sharon.
So that would take you right to, in theory,
right to the fortress.
Cool.
How do we get to the River Styx?
Let's work in reverse a little, shall we?
So we figured out how to get to the fortress.
Well, first you start with too much time on your hands.
Too much.
Yeah.
Well, you've got to go into hell.
I do believe.
Right.
Is there like a big green tube somewhere
that we can Mario or something?
Like a Mario tube?
I'm into it.
I know the perfect Mario tube to hell.
Yeah.
Who would have information about the River Styx?
Anybody reasonably?
Vorunax, maybe, because you might have traversed it.
Yeah.
I mean, Thea may have read about it at the library.
Well, what about what's Grancis?
Grancis likely would.
OK, let's make a history roll.
Let's roll some dice here.
See what our character's got.
Let's see.
Thea knows shit.
She just rolled a one.
So happy birthday to me.
Grancis knows something.
So she got a 17.
Vorunax got an 18.
15.
Four before bonus, so just fine.
Night Hunter got a 10.
OK.
So Thea and Night Hunter are going to be pretty useless.
Knowledge necessarily not complete,
but you know that touching or tasting the water
can shatter a creature's intellect and personality,
as well as potentially strip away its memories.
Well, we have all seen the scene with Dumbledore and Harry
Potter and him forcing the water into his mouth, man.
Like, you don't want to do it.
No.
Exactly.
Yeah.
The scene scarred me for life.
Oh, so if worse comes to worse,
we can just have the ferryman drink the water.
Perfect.
Dumbledore style.
Dumbledore style, yeah.
Force it.
Splash it on him or something.
Yeah.
OK, so we need to bring a bucket or a small cup of some kind.
Hey, put a bucket on your list.
Oh, I don't want to carry a bucket around with me.
Wait, it's a bucket list?
I bet James has one.
I mean, it makes sense.
We are going to the abyss to fight Orcus.
I bet James has one.
Yeah.
You know what?
I guarantee James has one.
Anything we don't want to carry, just say James has it,
and it'll be fine.
Who needs a bag of holding when you've got James?
That's right.
Well, I mean, when you've got rations and a mess kit,
I'm sure you've got a cup.
For sure.
Right?
A little mug with a handle, metal.
You know, it's probably carabiner to my pack.
There you go.
So River Styx poses some problems in and of itself.
But getting there, you are at the fortress,
which, as far as Vorunax would be concerned
or Lipsynche would be concerned, would be less
guarded than going to Thanatos.
It's the plane where he primarily would exist otherwise.
Hold on.
Isn't the city in Thanatos?
Yes.
Yes?
I thought so.
It's a city.
It's a stronghold within Thanatos.
That's what I said.
Which is, yeah, narrative, which is on Thanatos.
Yeah.
You're right.
Take that again.
That's OK.
Takes you straight to the city within.
So it bypasses the hurdles of traversing the lair itself,
but also puts them all right behind you.
Something to consider.
Not saying it's right or wrong.
OK.
Just knowing that if something goes sour,
there's probably potentially a trigger
that brings them all towards.
I get the feeling that's kind of just going
to be our whole experience in the abyss.
Yeah, that's fair.
To be honest with you.
Can Grancis dimension Doris just to the front door?
Hey, Grancis, can you dimension Doris just
right to the front door?
I mean, I could plan a shift,
but I can only do that once.
OK.
And then we're there.
One way ticket to hell.
Or maybe we save that.
Maybe it needs to be the end thing.
Then you need to have a nap until you can do it again.
Right.
Sleep more than a nap.
OK.
So I think not getting split up is a good idea.
That is a good idea.
No running off, trying to be hero.
Kathy is staring down Night Hunter and Glim.
Glim's not there.
Yeah, no Glim.
No.
So just staring down Night Hunter ourselves.
Just in your mind, you're staring down Glim.
That's right.
We separated them because the tension was too much.
Glim's like, ow, someone's thinking about me.
Totally.
No, I can only do that once I get my book,
but we'll talk about that later.
So we don't want to split the party.
No.
We need to stick together, and especially when
we're within a mile of the throne room,
that's when things start going a little sideways
in the heads of most people.
If you're not a follower or blessed or something,
you wind up with some madness going
on, which would be good for no one.
That is good to know.
Is there a way to not do that?
Not go mad?
Yeah.
I do not know, to be honest.
I never had to worry about it.
Roll high?
You want to get high before we go, Grancis?
Yeah, baby.
All right, you do that.
Grancis, are you high right now?
Take some edibles, and let's go.
Take some edibles.
We'll wait two hours, then we'll go.
Yes.
Yeah, exactly.
No, you can let it hit you halfway into the journey.
It's fine.
Good idea, yeah.
Everything's fine until it's not.
Oh, shit, it's the wrong strain.
If you wait, you won't go on the journey.
You'll just stay home and eat chips.
Sounds like a journey.
I mean, it sounds like a life which-
We all have our own personal journeys, don't we?
Which circles back to Kyle's original idea,
let's not go to the abyss.
Oh, yeah.
If we could just, I mean, I know
they sent us all here to do this one particular task,
which is super important.
But if we could just like-
But like chips?
I mean, imagine how many chips
that we could eat if we just let
Orcus take over the world.
It'd be fine.
Would there be any chips?
Eventually.
See, you get on board with Orcus,
then we can have the undead make chips
and we'll be like, oh, yeah, here you go.
It'd be good.
Remember, Orcus is just gonna kill you.
And then you won't care about chips or anything.
Right.
Yeah, that's okay.
So we need to get to hell.
I wonder if there's like someone maybe in town that-
Is there some sort of phrase
we can say three times while looking in a mirror?
Ooh, yeah.
Bloody Mary.
So the river sticks courses through the lower plain,
and so it goes through the abyss and Avernus.
So entrances-
Just have to get to Avernus.
Entrances into Avernus,
a well-known one in Baldur's Gate.
I know that one well.
Yeah.
Knowledge about Avernus,
and it's where Tiamat is.
So that's fun.
And we didn't destroy her.
No, you sent her back to Avernus.
Fuck.
I don't want to go there, you guys.
Listen.
Tiamat and we have this like
sort of a feud.
It may not be a great idea for her to know.
It's a bit of a thing.
Just a little thanks.
Killed my best friend.
No big deal.
But like wouldn't it be just the most awful thing ever
if Tiamat got wind
of what we were doing and joined forces with Orcus?
Wouldn't that be just terrible?
I don't think Amy understands how earmuffs work.
No, I don't.
Amy just tried to put her hands on my headphone ears
in order to block sound coming to her.
I could have smacked your headphones off your ears,
but I thought that's pretty aggressive for someone
who just made me muscle, so.
It's my birthday.
It's right.
See what I want.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
Don't write that down.
Don't write what down?
Happy birthday?
Anything about Tiamat.
Don't write that down.
Anything having to do with Tiamat being all like.
That's a whole other page.
It's not even, I'm not even there anymore.
So you find a way to get to the River Styx.
Are you trying to figure out how?
I feel like wouldn't Vorunax seems to be able to leave,
because he was just out on a field trip doing stuff
with Frimsbane.
Yeah, how would Vorunax come and go?
To report back to his head honcho.
Seeing if there was anything on the wand of Orcus,
but I'm not seeing anything specific that's like, hey,
go back to hell.
Yeah, like if you slam it on the ground,
does it immediately open like, I don't know,
like a tube slide to hell?
Because that'd be great if it did.
Let me check, wonk.
And he's gone.
Oh, shit.
Shit.
Sorry, guys.
That sucked.
I'll see you in three to four weeks.
To find a way.
How long it takes to get there?
And back.
Yeah, it's the round trip that gets you.
Getting back there is pretty quick.
It's getting out.
That's the.
Yeah, a lot of connecting flights on your way out.
Let's come up with something, because obviously Vorkus.
Vorunax can come and go.
That's a ship right there.
Right?
Vorunax can come and go.
Do we imagine that to be some sort of teleportation,
some sort of portal magic?
We've been big on portal magic with the Abyss.
I mean, probably portal magic.
Yeah.
It has kind of been the way.
They're probably like hidden portals all over the place.
You can go wherever you please.
I'm going to argue with Vorunax here,
using the one straight to the front door.
Maybe not the greatest idea, because there'd
be like an immediate alarm.
Yeah, for sure.
And we'd want to like acclimate.
We don't want to get whatever the fanatose
version of the bends are.
We need to just like work our way into it a little bit.
That's right.
I mean, honestly, the bends are pretty terrible.
It's probably kind of the same.
Yeah.
Hell bends.
Yeah.
Hell bends.
If I have a ring that's like, OK, yeah, let me just go there.
Perhaps we can reach out to some kind of magical person
and be like, hey, can you change
where this drops me off?
Sure.
We adjust this demonic magical item.
Do we want to send Vorunax in as like?
We could say I go ahead and, you know, clear a path.
Breach the wheels, pave the way.
Well, yeah.
Or just like, you know, hang with Orcus or whatever.
Knock out the security guards in the tower.
And just kind of like, you know, I don't know.
Go in, be cool guy on Orcus side.
Hey, what are you guys doing here?
Leave a window unlatched.
Yeah.
And then we show up.
And then Orcus is like, who the fuck are these people?
And you're like, I don't know.
Except I do, motherfucker.
And then like, oh, what?
And then Orcus is like, I had no idea.
And then we were like, that's right.
He's been on our side the whole time.
And then?
And then Vorunax rips off his mask.
And he's Ashton Kutcher.
He's like, you got punks.
Oh, shit.
I did not see that one coming.
I did not expect that.
Where's my Von Dutch hat?
Give it to me.
So like something like that?
I'm game to try to figure that out.
OK.
You know, pretty much like set the path for y'all.
It's like, I'll go ahead, leave you some breadcrumbs.
You get down there.
We'll rendezvous.
My only worry is, will he turn on us?
What if he turns when he's out of our sight?
I don't know.
He got that magic memory horse.
That's true.
The magic memory horse.
I mean, I'm assuming that's the title of the episode, Ross,
is Magic Memory Horse.
The magical memory horse is coming to take you away
from here to the abyss.
I mean, we send him back alone.
And he gets the Orcus madness.
Oh, but you know, carrying the wand of Orcus,
I haven't experienced any issues with that.
So there's probably some kind of exception
provided to the upper echelon of servants.
Right.
He probably wants you in your right mind.
How does Orcus get information?
Is he psychic?
Can you read minds?
Well, sometimes the wand may communicate back to him.
So what the fuck?
You know, there is that.
We could work on destroying it, too.
So I'm probably already busted.
Wait, wait, give me the wand.
He puts it in a closet.
I do not know this is good ideas.
You put wand in closet.
It is fine.
It does no longer listen.
No, it's sleeping now.
Wrap it in cloak, something.
OK.
So this entire time we've been talking.
Oh, shut up, baby.
Don't say a word.
Are you swaddling it?
You told me to wrap it in a cloak.
That's very weird.
All this time we've been talking plan.
How to defeat Orcus.
This thing perhaps talks to Orcus back.
And he knows whole plan now.
You are no longer good pawn to use as surprise, good guy
and bad guy.
I mean, it at least talks to me.
It communicates with me like, you know, in the mind, brain.
It hasn't mentioned about getting back to Orcus
or anything like that, but it definitely hears me.
Well, so when we're a team in the future,
Orcus isn't really a micromanager.
Like we kind of just, you know.
It's true.
Trust us to do our own thing and get the tasks done
in our own unique and special and evil
and extra cool way.
Sounds like a really good boss.
Is, he is.
Surprisingly, yes.
But I mean, mostly just kind of like to the two of us
and the rest of the world, pretty bad.
How is health benefits?
Elion would have liked that.
That was a good one.
I will write that down.
But in this time, is he like right now,
is he waiting for you to get back to him and say,
Oh, yeah, you were just on a thing.
Report on what happened.
You were just on a kind of on a mission.
Do you need to get back to him
or are you going to just kind of roll up
at your own time?
Because that will sort of, you know,
depend if you need to get back soon
or he'll be suspicious.
I mean, who better to bring back in my endeavor
with God, he's already dead
and I just can't even remember his name
because he made no impression upon me.
But Thelonious Primsbane.
Yes, that's cocky motherfucker.
That's it.
Now, in my endeavor to figure out
if he'd be a good servant for Orcus
in our time of need,
I capture the heroes that managed to stave off Tiamat.
What an offering that would be
to bring upon the Demon Lord
as my prisoners.
Oh, and then we are not prisoners
and then we attack.
Yes.
No, yes, yes.
Absolutely.
That's right.
Yes, you're not actually prisoners.
Sorry.
I'm working on it.
I promise.
Worried.
It is so hard working with turncoats.
It's a hard adjustment to make to,
you know, you've been just Orcus, Orcus, Orcus
for years and years
and then all of a sudden it's like,
ah, actually, maybe that guy kind of sucks
and it's just hard, you know,
when he gives you all your power
and everything cool you can do is because of him.
It is a bit hard.
Lipsynche, I knew you before Orcus
had his claws in you
and you were amazing and awesome then.
Orcus had his claws in her then too.
At Blackpool?
I mean, Grancis, we haven't really.
Look, fair enough, sorry.
Yeah, I mean, it's fine.
I mean, Grancis and I also...
That was yours to reveal, my bad.
Wow, okay, what is going on?
Spent a lot of time together.
Well, so all those cool powers that I have.
I mean, the claws, the sword or the shovel.
The digging, yeah, the digging.
I mean, Orcus is kind of like my fiend guy that...
So I didn't know then.
I didn't know in Blackpool.
So, but then I got down there and then...
So, technically...
All right, well, now I'm confused.
Now, when we saved you from Blackpool,
wait a minute, Vorunax...
Tried to.
Well, I mean, she could have still been in that cell
with the, you know, dead stuff around.
You definitely saved me from the jail.
Yeah, not from other things,
but like Vorunax, was it all just a ruse?
Was it all, were you even in trouble?
Oh, well, I don't even know.
Funny, I don't think we've...
All our conversations together, Vorunax,
I don't think we ever even talked about this.
Did you know?
Because that was sort of a deal
that I guess Orcus and I had made, but...
Wait, you made a deal with Orcus
and he still sent you down to live in the prison with him?
Fiends are fun.
I mean, to be fair, Lipsinki,
I just met you,
so I have no clue what you're talking about.
Oh.
Well, Blackpool hasn't even happened yet.
Yeah.
Right.
That's right.
I'm trying to get up and going.
Time fuckery.
Of course.
It's hard.
I mean, you do look a bit younger,
but you're eternally youthful,
so it's a little bit hard to tell.
Thank you.
When did Lipsinki get captured?
Pretty quick?
Soon?
How far along is Blackpool?
Do you have it on your to-do list?
Oh, I mean, it's one of the next things.
I was going to have Prim's Bane go
and draw some attention away,
and that was my first target
to get things started up,
to start kind of a home base of my old home.
Hey, if you're not inherently evil
and we do a better job of saving you,
we could have two yous.
Two Lipsinkis?
Yeah.
Would that fuck things up?
Would your mind explode?
Is someone going to die?
How does time work?
No, time travel.
I know how time itself works.
Thank you.
She looks over at Nighthunter
who's pointing up at the sun
and is showing the sun goes down.
Yeah, I know how time works.
But would that be like,
do you think if you met you
I mean, I didn't know.
10 years ago.
In Blackpool,
I didn't know.
I hadn't like,
we didn't meet at a crossroads
and I signed away my soul or anything.
Just, I mean,
does the world explode
if I see another version of myself?
It's a great question.
I'm not.
Maybe that's in Brancis' book.
Maybe there's something about that.
Like if you see yourself from another time.
Because I mean, in that respect,
we could have another one of me,
another one of Flint.
We could have,
who else was on that journey with us?
Oh.
Well, isn't that where you met,
I mean, he didn't have a name then
when we were in adjoining cells,
the prison, but the big guy made of the
Oh, yeah.
What was his name?
Beefy Boy.
That's right.
Well, I think that's just what we called him at the time.
That's a fun nickname.
It's a good one.
Lex, I think, is the name.
Right. Yes.
Yes.
Lex is, yeah, where he ended up.
I kind of like the other one better.
Well, I mean, that's a beefy boy.
But would that be, you know,
like, I mean,
the whole world hangs in the bAlydince
if we're able to get duplicates of ourselves
to Russ put us in this fucking situation.
And he's not here.
And I feel like now this is what we're doing, Russ.
Now this is what we're doing.
You think you can go pee in the middle of our planning session?
Well, you can't.
No, you cannot.
Because now this is what we've decided.
Here's the plan.
You shouldn't have left us alone.
No, you shouldn't have.
OK, we are going to go to Blackpool.
We are going to get ourselves.
And we are going to...
Because then we'll have another...
This is awful.
I told you you shouldn't have left us alone.
Slip, sink, and Lex.
Yes.
I mean, lower level versions of all of them.
Yeah.
We're going to get ourselves.
And we are going to infiltrate the abyss,
like, with multiples of ourselves.
Think of the fuckery we could do.
And a portal opens there.
Because that's how lip-syncing gets there.
Yes.
There is something kind of already that's perfect.
That's why I'm choosing it.
There's something that's, like, perfect for that event.
And not a lot of the townsfolk know about it,
but it was built on top of, you know, time,
ages, things.
We totally accidentally let lip-syncing get sucked
through a portal in Blackpool.
So we could get sucked through that portal.
Hey, just to bring it up,
there's a real...
A person that I don't care to work with,
but maybe.
I don't know if Shangalar would turn out.
Oh, fuck that guy.
But if not, we still need to consider that
that dude could show up like that.
You don't...
That guy.
You don't know this yet, but that guy?
You know how you probably already suspect
he's a bit of a dick?
No, it's total.
He definitely is.
He, like, tries to go rogue.
He says there's this whole pyramid thing.
It's...
I mean...
He trapped us for ten years in a pyramid.
We missed your whole ascension to power.
The whole thing.
That's kind of funny.
I mean, it was actually...
Okay, I know I said he was a dick,
but that part was actually pretty funny
because we were in there,
and then he...
You and I kind of just dip in at the end
and whatever,
and we've basically destroyed everything
they know and love.
That sounds great.
And they don't even know about it.
It's real hilarious, guys.
And then...
I mean...
Oh, yeah, sounds like good time.
I'm sorry.
Like I said, it's really hard sometimes to...
That is okay.
Take all that anger and wanting to destroy
and just destroy the hardest thing to destroy.
Orcas, I assume.
But not as hard as me.
What?
Nothing, nothing, nothing.
I didn't...
No.
There's no love for orcas here.
Not anymore.
Hello.
Well, a few of us would do that.
I mean, there was a note there.
Hello.
Yep.
Hey, everybody.
Welcome to the middle.
We're here now,
and we're talking about how we have an amazing community
and we want you to be a part of it.
We hit 100 patrons.
Ring the bell.
Oh, yes.
I don't have a ding-a-ling-a-ling.
I still can't believe it.
I know.
It's insane.
Russ has really been working overtime
on all his fake people.
Especially since we've met so many of them
in various ways.
Like, wow, Russ, it's amazing.
After a point, you have to realize
it's not just me with several different masks on
in different Zoom windows.
I mean, that Mission Impossible mask tech
is pretty incredible.
I think I would have noticed before now.
He's that good.
I'm that good.
What are we doing at 100 patrons?
We are having a live show.
Hell, yeah.
So you motherfuckers better be there.
That's the energy Russ told me to bring to this.
That's where Russ told us to approach it.
Before I started the barber shop quartet.
It really swung like a complete 180.
It did, but I felt like someone said motherfuckers,
and it needs to be said again.
And by that I mean you lovely motherfuckers.
So with that, the date is not quite set
as we record this or release this.
It will be set by the end of day on June 30th.
But it's looking like a date later in July.
And we hope that you can come join us
because guess what?
If it's one of those dates later in July,
we have several people on the hook
to come join us.
Yeah, we do.
What?
A regular cast member, Kyle Klassen.
Regular cast member, Kristen Flemmons.
Of course, yeah.
And not regular cast member,
but we wish she was, Cicero Holmes.
Yes.
And we're very excited to hopefully welcome
all of those people back to the table
when we play the Improv Live show
that we want you to be at,
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We've got a new goal up there,
which we're just ironing out as we speak.
We're heading into a very important business meeting,
and it'll be up on Patreon
hopefully by the time you hear this.
Soon after.
Soon after, regardless.
There's another goal coming.
Don't hold us to that.
It'll be up at some point.
And it's going to be great.
But right now, live show.
So sign up so you can be there
and give us suggestions
and help us make fools of ourselves.
And just have some laughs with us.
And see our dumb faces.
And the faces of our wonderfully not dumb guests.
That's right.
And my crying dog.
Because we love to hang out with you
and we can do that
at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Okay, bye now.
Okay, bye.
Love you, motherfuckers.
You make it really hard to trust you.
I'm sorry.
It's still fresh.
No, we get it.
It's still new.
Oh, yeah.
We threw this on you like 45 minutes ago.
Yeah.
Four days ago.
Forty, four days and 45 minutes ago.
Sometime where it's still fresh.
Yeah.
I get it.
Fuck you, Russ.
So that's our plan now.
So feel free to just completely.
No, it's happening.
He did multiple timelines to us.
Well, obviously the counter move to this
is to go find our alter time selves
and develop an awesome team of ourselves.
I will just point out.
To defeat the bad person.
That we're saying, in hindsight,
we're acting like this is something we're doing to Russ.
But really it's something we're doing to ourselves.
Because then we're all going to be playing multiple characters
and multiple versions of those characters.
There's only one way that this podcast can end.
There's only one night hunter though, so that's good.
That's true.
So with each of your own characters killing each other?
No.
Guys, I knew we shouldn't have planned anything.
I know.
See?
This is why we don't do this.
We make it so much more complicated.
Well, and I just think that it just fits with everything.
The whole thematic thing that we're going with,
which is why not make it as convoluted and weird as possible?
That's a theme?
It is now.
Well, ask anybody who listens to this podcast.
If you want to follow through with things,
Vorunax could go forth and grease the wheels a little bit
while you get your identibuddies all lined up and on board.
Or he can roll with you either way.
Depends on where we want to land that plan.
So if Blackpool isn't set up yet, Vorunax has to go set it up.
That's true.
Which means he has to enact a large portion of his and his boss's plan.
Right.
Which is to turn the whole city undead.
Which also will make Orcus stronger.
The city's kind of already undead.
Which, yeah, he has to make the portal work.
I'm just saying these things out loud.
These are all information that we know.
It has to make the portal work,
which is a pivotal point in making all of the portals work.
That kind of cascade out that bring about Orcus's rise.
Okay, hold on.
Not saying it's a bad idea.
I am down for it if that's the way you want to go.
Hold on. No, I still want to go in this direction.
But perhaps instead of him going ahead and setting it up,
we find another way to get there.
But we still intercept our people.
You really are hard-driven to get two of yourselves playing
the same characters in every scene from now until the end of the podcast.
You're going to have to double-track everything you record.
You know that.
I'll just make a copy of my character and name it Thea 1 and Thea 2.
No one will know.
Then they'll argue between each other.
Why am I 2 and why are you 1?
Probably.
There will be a slap fight at one point.
From a strictly above board production side of this,
I see a huge problem with that.
Yeah.
But what?
Oh, Russ.
There's so many red flags with this play.
I know.
I don't like it.
Okay, then we're definitely going ahead with this, you guys.
Get on board.
Russ doesn't like it.
No, I'm just kidding.
I like the Blackpool plan.
The finding yourselves plan is going to be a difficult one to play out.
Like hardcore.
Yeah.
In an auditory.
What about finding just another Grancis once we get down to the abyss?
Isn't he down there?
He is down there.
He is.
No, he is.
He's down there.
Oh, he's not.
He's not.
Yep, he is.
As soon as we do the ghost scene.
I hate time because Grancis died long before Tiamat and then was wandering around
the ghostly plane pissing off ghosts for a while and then got sucked in by Tom's Orcus
ghost character who, after that, pulled him into the abyss basically.
Right.
What if, okay, adjacent plan.
If Varnlox now knows that this first portal is like the beginning of the portals that
we do want to stop Orcus and I guess destroy Orcus, but we also could work on stopping
the plan, not just the man.
Yes.
Or not just the eternally naked being.
If you want to interact with yourselves in this plane, might I posit an alternate
view where the goal is to not bring them along with you buddy cop style, but to set
a course for them to alter their progression through the timeline.
You leave that lip-synchy bitch inside of her.
Banana peel in front of Vorunax and like.
Exactly.
Because for them, the key turning point where shit goes sideways, jump 10 years
in the future is going to.
Callum Port.
Sham Gam Alums.
Yeah.
If we already have this timelines Vorunax on our side and are not going to Blackpool,
then they're already on a different course, right?
Because they won't find.
While they stumble across Blackpool.
Yeah.
But if there's no portal there that's been set up, then ultimately like their
course going forward is already drastically changed.
Yep.
Unless we set the portal up to give them motivation to take out the other portals.
So I still get to set a portal up.
So the reason you go to Blackpool, if I remember correctly, is because trade had
stopped.
No.
There was some like it wasn't like, Hey, it's a city of the undead because
we didn't find out.
You stumbled into it because you guys were coming back from.
I feel like you guys were just on the way from taking Nulara's body home.
Yeah.
Back to Waterdeep.
Yeah.
Stumbled in, were brought in and then kind of found some weird shit
happening and then took that information back to Waterdeep.
Yeah.
That's what happened.
OK, so.
Yeah.
The trade thing was Mooklem and Sully coming from.
I could even pose as the villain and they, oh no, you beat me.
I retreat.
And I don't don't even bother going to those other portals that I've set
up.
Well, they might just want to kill you.
Really selling it.
Oh, no, I would escape.
It's easy.
I obviously did it before.
Yeah.
I exist in the future.
So.
Well, not not anymore.
Well, yeah.
You're not helping me want to stay on your side by saying stuff like that,
though.
Well, no, no, you want you to stay on our side.
Yeah.
But I could.
You've already died for the cause.
Just one more portal.
Yes.
Yeah.
But don't you got to kill a bunch of people to make that portal?
Like, I don't know if I can.
Guys, I don't know if I can sign off on that.
More people are going to die if I don't make that portal.
Yeah, I know.
And we, you know, I know it's like there's a cart barreling down a road
and it splits off.
One people.
Right answer.
Anybody like I feel like I'm making this choice for us and I shouldn't be
Flint.
Any thoughts?
I mean, I don't love setting a portal up.
Have you ever tried it?
Rather, that just didn't didn't happen at all.
Maybe you just haven't done it.
Maybe it hasn't been the right portal for you.
I mean, it's entirely possible.
But yeah, it doesn't really sound like a great plan.
All right.
So to recap, we've got the river sticks where if you touch the water,
you might get stupid.
We've got Vorunax's Ringy Portal,
but we got to find somebody to, you know,
switch my dip shit and take a left at Albuquerque.
And away you go.
We've got continue Orcas's plan.
Yeah.
And go to the portal at Blackpool.
I mean, no.
Yeah, no.
Right.
I mean, when you put it that way.
I guess when you when you say it like that,
Grancis, it does seem like that's kind of probably not exactly
take a step back to take three forward.
That's how I'm looking at it.
You know, so I don't know what do we like GPS on the ring or what do we
Well, Grancis, if we get your book back,
is this something that you could finagle?
Oh, well, I could take a look at it.
I'm not really an artificer, so to speak,
but I could I could cross some wires.
No.
Or we could find somebody who knows.
You guys have an artificer friend somewhere, don't you?
No.
That's Mooklim and Sully.
No.
We've met so many people.
It's hard to keep track of them all.
Or.
Not whore.
I said or.
Or.
I have a whore before everything.
He's got so many gadgets.
He's got so many.
Yeah.
Or.
Or lax.
No.
Or.
Ozark.
The Bizard.
Yeah.
The Guild of Nine Shadows, which we blew up at the end of Rise of Tiamat.
Yeah.
I wonder where he's at now.
Oh, no.
Let's go further back in time.
I don't know if we do know an artificer.
I feel like the only artificer I've played with has been Gabe in a game time.
I'm sure we could pay an artificer.
Yeah.
I'm sure there just is, like, they're around, right?
I could threaten an artificer.
There is an artificer.
It is a job, yes?
This is before, that world hasn't ended.
There still is, like, commerce.
We just gotta find a cool one that understands, like, hey, you're changing where in hell we show up.
It already takes me to hell, so you don't have to feel like a problem with it.
It's not conflicting.
You're just changing where I'm going.
There's not too much to do.
Yeah, and if you don't, I'll kill you.
Oh, no, no, no.
I mean, no.
Sorry.
I won't.
Yeah.
I don't do that anymore.
Yeah.
Unless I need to.
We're coming up on, uh...
Oh, God.
Coming up on about a 50-minute mark here.
I think if we can change where the ring takes us, try to get us as close to
River Styx and go from there.
I probably shouldn't fuck around with potentially just continuing Orcus's plan
and setting off a chain of events that's going to allow him to gain power
just as quickly as he has before.
So, like, maybe this will be a bit of an interruption.
Maybe you go down there and, like, go ahead a little bit, being all, like,
it's a problem at Blackpool, yada, yada.
I mean, lying to Orcus is difficult, but at the same time, I can always say,
well, Primsbane proved complicated and slowed down my process.
I'm seeking out other alternatives.
Unfortunately, Blackpool is being pushed back a couple of weeks,
but give me some time, and I'm sure I'll be able to make the next deadline.
Just prove that it's still on the roadmap, and everything will be good.
Yeah, yeah, we've had to put it on the back burner for now.
Yeah.
Okay, all right, so find an artificer.
Get the ring fixed.
Get some disguise kits so we can look and smell like the undead.
Yes.
Stinky disguise kits, got it.
Teleport us down to...
River Styx.
A location there on...
Vorunax goes ahead.
Does Vorunax go ahead?
Well, do you?
Maybe, yeah.
Well, because I mean, like, once you're down there,
is it not all just available to you because you live there?
Did we like the prisoner routine?
I've been a prisoner down there before.
Could do the prisoner routine.
Well, you're a prisoner down there currently, though, Grancis.
That could be a problem.
I have broken out one, right, right.
Yeah.
I am a prisoner down there right now.
Okay, so you need a disguise.
The rest of us do not.
Okay, so, but wait, when I was a prisoner down there,
you put me in this room where there were like 18 others of me,
so really that doesn't seem like a weird thing.
I don't think one of you would just be wandering around
with them knowing just what kind of person you are.
Yeah, yeah, that's fair.
Yeah.
So maybe we have a disguise for you.
Sure.
And...
So I think, you know, we figured out how we're going to get there,
and probably we don't need to plan at all what's going to happen once we're there.
We've done it.
We've made a plan, you guys.
Well, yeah, okay.
Well, I do just a little bit am wondering about maybe the specific kinds of fiends
or yuck stuff we are going to be.
All of them.
Yes, I just wonder, what can I hit with my ex while I am down there?
Is there anything special that I can prepare for?
Tons.
What lives under the ice in the moat?
Lives under the ice?
I could hear it.
Yeah.
I could hear it down in the prison.
How familiar are you with aberrations?
Specifically, undead ones?
Well, I've seen a couple.
Imagine a multi-eyed, multi-tentacled monster that can speak inside your head
but is undead, so all it does is go brrrrrr,
but still maintains the power it had beforehand?
You know what an appleeth is?
Oh, yeah, yeah, you...
I heard that you told me that story that you folks fought the appleeth, right?
In the pyramid.
Oh, yeah.
ShangAlydinga Ding Dong had one in like a little pool spot.
Yeah.
ShangAlydinga Ding Dong, that's good.
Yeah, it wasn't fun to fight.
This one's undead.
So even better.
Yeah.
So there's an aberrant appleeth underneath the ice.
There's the prison.
You go in and you take the stairwell down
and there's the prison area.
Lipsinki, you're familiar?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All sorts of specialized hells for each individual.
Could they somehow open?
There's the limb chute off the prison.
Have distraction, open prison doors, cause riot.
Oh, yeah, who else do they have hidden down there?
Good guys, bad guys, everything in between?
Well, funny thing, the hero,
the skull of the hero that's on the wand of Orcus,
they're somewhere in there.
It's a very labyrinthine kind of thing.
But if we do want to destroy that item,
they'll be necessary to release.
Without their skull?
Something like that, yes.
Oh, that seems right.
We've got a skull-less fella who can destroy the wand.
But we'll have to bring him like back to life.
And can you do this?
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
I'm good at the opposite of that.
How long has he been dead?
Wait, is there something in your book
that might answer some of these questions, Grancis?
Oh, yeah, books full of all this great stuff.
Where is your book, Grancis?
Oh, well, if you look at the map here,
it's got this little pinging beacon.
Looks like it's at the Museum of Greenest.
I think we're going to have to go get his book.
Let's do it.
Dumbgeons and Dragons, Season 2, Episode 127,
starring Amy More as Thea and Night Hunter,
Carla Maxted as Lipsynke, Tom Laird as Flint,
with Kyle Claset as Vorunax,
and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Production and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
and Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Kat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown,
Devin Michaels, Craig Zeiss, Aaron Stevens,
Darylith, L.A. Branton, Perry Matey,
Nathaniel Teeter, and Nicholas Cooper.
Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast,
where we've reached 100 patrons
and will be hosting a live improv night
exclusive for all of our patrons coming up in July.
Details will be available soon on Patreon and in our Discord.
Plus, we've just announced some new community goals
and some amazing new bonus content coming along with them,
including in-character positive affirmations
and the return of monthly one-shot episodes
where we're excited to try out new characters,
new games, and play a whole smattering of different great things
that we hope you're gonna love.
Thank you for listening.
Have a great week.
We'll talk again soon.
Oh, okay.
So even better.
Oh, Loki-ish.
He just wants everyone to know that he's very sad.
He's sleeping.
Sounds very sad.
He's sleeping.
Eyes closed.
He's crying in his sleep.
Wonderful.
Aw, perfect.
You know, sometimes you just have to cry yourself to sleep.
Dreaming about all the kennels he can't ruin.
That's right.
Right.
And carabiners, carabiners chasing him.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.